The world is a disgusting place
We all have to eat. But stepping outside? No thanks. The world is a disgusting place, packed with pests, pervs, and parasites foaming at the mouth to abolish your appetite. Every trip for food is a gauntlet of greasy hands, dead-eyed stares, and unsolicited bullshit from shameless social offenders. So why would you expose yourself to the filth of the world when DoorDash exists? Stay home, stay unbothered, and let your food come to you… Because the only thing you should be swallowing is your delicious meal, not society’s sickness.
Rusty Ole’ Bat
Behold the ultimate magnificence, crafted with aritisian delight, precise architectural stability, and fashionable designer chicness: a old wooden baseball bat with rusty nails. Forged in the fires of "you should smile more" and tempered with every unwanted “hey sexy” echoing through a parking lot at 9 p.m. Each nail, bent at an unsettling angle, is a tribute to every boundary ever bulldozed by a dude named Chad in wraparound shades. Whether you’re waiting for pad thai or just peace of mind, this artisanal hardwood deterrent says, “No, Brian, I do not want to hear your SoundCloud.” Tastefully branded for flair, wildly inappropriate for actual use, and spiritually endorsed by every woman who’s ever speed-walked past a group of loitering men, the DoorDash Nail Bat (patent pending): delivering dinner, deflecting dummies.
DoorDash Cleansing Stations
Hand sanitizer stations are placed outside some of society’s most morally filthy spots. Clean hands can’t fix dirty deeds, but it’s a start.
Avoid the late night confrontations, desperate street dwellers, and sticky social interactions because DoorDash drones keep deliveries contact-free, made for those who crave complete isolation.
Flying Sky High: Drone Delivery
Hazmat Suit
Designed for ultimate protection while delivering your food, this innovative, lightweight suit ensures couriers stay safe and shielded from environmental hazards, so they can focus on getting your order to you quickly and securely. With breathable fabric, easy mobility, and a sleek design, it's the perfect solution for delivering your food with peace of mind.
